YBR Presents MYOB /// Not Hearing You

Sunday, December 20, 2009 Written by Alecia D. /// Find in The Wrap Up

Have you seen Angie Stone's new video? The song is called I Ain't Hearing U and it is a very creative concept and even more, an original video.  Besides the fact that Ms. Angie is looking absolutely fab in her new frame (no, she's not skinny- but very shapely and stylish), the video actually has a purpose and makes a point (which is more than I can say about a lot of other videos that are out there these days).

A romantic relationship is defined as an expression of love, deep desire, and personal connection with another person.  It generally evokes a connotation of being something that is shared between two people.  With that said, we should be very selective with the outside ideals we let influence our own romantic relationships.  As the above definition infers, the inner workings of your relationship should be left to you and your boo.

How many times have you been involved in a situation where you've let the opinions, experiences, and judgments of your close friends interfere with what was going on within your own situation?  Personally speaking, I know that I have done that on more than a few occasions.  Before I continue, let me set the record straight. YES, I know that some men are dogs.  YES, I realize that some men cheat and are disrespectful to their black queens.   What I also know is that there are also some men that don't cheat and who would never be caught dead disrespecting their significant other.  There are even other men that may have cheated once (or twice... damn), but realized the error in their ways and will do anything to ensure that they do not put themselves in a similar situation ever again.  As human beings, we have and will continue to do things that will hurt others- often times the people we care the most for.  Men are definitely not exempt from this law of nature (and neither are women).  When we enter into situations with a cynical outlook, we are doing nothing more than setting ourselves up for disaster.  It is not productive to expect the worst from the men we deal with and to be so quick to jump to conclusions when a seemingly shady situation rears its ugly head.

Tell me this- if you were at a restaurant one night and saw your closest girl's boyfriend sitting across from an unknown female enjoying a meal, how would you tell her?  Would you fire off a message on your iPhone saying something like "yea girl, we finally caught him.. I knew it was just a matter of time." or would you delicately advise her of what you witnessed?  Would you tell her at all or would you speak to her boyfriend?  On the other hand, what if you are the girlfriend in this scenario and you just checked your BBM and saw the message from your girl telling you that your fiance was out to dinner?  Would you drive down to the restaurant decked out in your UGGs and rollers? Would you wait for your man to come home and explain the situation?  Would you not say anything at all?

Although our friends usually do mean well, for all intents and purposes, the well wishes usually get lost in translation.  For the most part, women are more than well equipped to know when they are in a negative situation or dead end relationship.  Although we may seek out advice and words of encouragement from those individuals we hold dear and trust the most, we should still take time to value our own inner voice and distinguish what we feel in our gut from what we think our friends want us to feel.  You are the only one that knows what goes on behind closed doors with you and your significant other.  Ladies, let's face it.  If we are real with ourselves, we've always known when a relationship was on its last leg and was headed for the end of the road.  There's nothing that Carrie, Samantha, or Charlotte had to tell us to allow us to have that great epiphany.  Whatever is done in the dark will always come to light and it is important that we become more self reliant and trust in our internal instincts. [Y1] In the same token, we should also strive to be less judgmental and skeptical with our friend's relationships.  Be weary of suffocating your friend's happiness with all of your negative romantic experiences.  It's not fair to you or your friend.  Just because you've been unfortunate enough to make repetitive choices in dealing with dead beats, does not mean that your friend is doing the same.  As adults there has to come a time when we begin to take things at face value and stop trying to replicate old situations into new ones.

At the end of Angie's video the viewers find out that the girl her man has been "flirting" with all night across the dance floor at the bar, is actually a long time friend that Angie already knows and who even has her own man.  It's funny how things are often not at all how they seem.