Things That Scare Me About Marriage

Written by Empress J /// Find in Love, Sex, Etc

One of my closet friends just got engaged recently and while I was very happy for her, it scared me. When I was younger, I never really day-dreamed about getting married like most little girls and even as I got older the idea of marriage was always that, an idea. It never seemed like it was relevant to my life and therefore just something that would happen in the "future" or when I was "older".

Well, it seems like the future is NOW and I am OLDER. Having a close friend that is taking such a big step brings me to reality. I have been dating my boyfriend for quite some time now and we are talking about our future, marriage and even kids more than we ever did before. Actually, it almost seemed like we avoided those subject before. lol

As I begin to reach my mid and late 20's, marriage is definitely something I want and seems to be in the future but its still an overwhelming thought. So I have compiled a list of things that scare me about marriage.

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1. No Escape Route: If I get mad at my boyfriend or if something crazy happens, we can break up or take a break- whatever you want to call it. When you’re married, what I like to call the "Escape Route", is no longer there. I would never want to stay in a situation that was not healthy or that didn't make me happy, but when you are married and committed to your partner, you’re not supposed to give up or just "escape"- as I like to call it. That option of being able to always easily leave gives me security and getting married seems so permanent.

2. Giving up my last name: I really, really like my last name. In fact, I've had it for 27 years. I love it because it ties me to my existing family and it is the name that links me to my father who passed away this year. Giving that up almost seems like I am giving up my identity. I will be taking on my future husband's last name and I will be proud to have it, but it still scares me. And its not only the emotional thought of giving up my last name but the technical hassle of giving it up- my driver's license , legal documents, email addresses, etc all will need to be adjusted/ altered.

3. Joint Accounts: I am very independent. I have my own money that I budget, spend and do with as I please. When I get married, I know my husband and I will have joint accounts which means not only do I have access to his money but he also has access to mine. What’s mine is his and what’s his is mine, and while it’s comforting to know that I will be a partner with someone and we can build a successful life together, its also another intimidating thought. o_0.

4. Unprotected Sex: Even though I have been in a committed relationship for YEARS, we still use protection. Although I trust my partner, giving myself to him in that way is a gift (because it's that precious...lol), that I only want to give to my husband, not to mention all the HIV, STD's etc out there in the world. Like I mentioned before, I trust my boyfriend but safety comes first. So by becoming married and having unprotected sex you are literally trusting your health and life to someone else.

5. We not I: When I want to go somewhere or do something, I do it. I don't ask for permission, I don't feel restricted. From what I understand, the "I" now becomes "we" in a marriage. While I'm sure I will not be treated as a kid who has to ask for permission before they do something, I am going to have to consider what's best for my family and husband and not just think about myself.

6. Babies?!: I know for sure that I want some but the thought of them in general scares me...yikes!

Overall, I completely embrace what marriage stands for, so I am not saying I don't want to get married. In fact, its the total opposite. I do really want to get married. I am just being honest with what overwhelms or intimidates me about it. I realize most of my fears have to do with giving up control but whatever my fears are, I also know that when the time comes for me to make that ultimate step, I will be ready for whatever with my amazing future husband by my side