Guest Blogger Eb The Celeb: Single Black Woman

I AM a single black woman with a Masters degree yet from every angle I'm being told that the chances of me ever getting married are slim to none. Who knew that pursuing higher education would limit my chances of finding love? 

I thought I was doing everything right. I have no children, I'm on the journey of finding my purpose in life. I thought I was on the path of preparing myself to be a great wife to someone one day and now I'm being told that I'm looking forward to a day that may not ever happen. Especially being a black woman that wants to marry a black man. I'm being told that I might as well get extremely comfortable with being alone

Here are the statistics:

There are 3 million more black women than black men.

Almost 50% of black women ages 30-40 have never been married compared to 19% of white women.

After reading countless reports and articles over the past year, I finally looked to my spiritual side and watched the Soul Mate DVD. I went in thinking it was going to be an inspiration and give me hope and it actually made me even more sad seeing real life examples of those statistics. All successful, black, God-fearing women that were either 45 year old virgins or had been celebate for 10 plus years. Women in their 40s still unmarried with no children and, with the exception of one woman, all claiming to be happily single. Is this the life that I have to look forward to living? Am I kidding myself to think that I won't be one of those statistics?

Then I had to remind myself that I'm only 28. There are so many things I may not have been able to do if I was married with kids right now. I am happily single- although I know for a fact I will not be as happy if I am 40 and still unmarried with no children.

I think as black women our problem is that we have a time limit on everything. I was never big on having kids but I thought for sure that I was going to get married in 2008. While in college I picked out my wedding date. That date has come and gone and I wasn't even in a serious relationship.

There's also a level of desperation. Black women are crying out to be loved. I'm sure you've heard of the woman in New Jersey that made a blog surrounding getting married in a year. We have women like Neenah Pickett who have put the ultimate pressure on herself by having a blog where she plans to find a husband in a year with http://www.52weeks2findhim.com/ . The year is almost over and she still has not found HIM. Why do we do this to ourselves? As soon as I knew the date I had last year was unreachable I made a new date that is now May 5th, 2012. I'll be 31. I'm at a point in my life where having kids is now important and have planned to have 1 at 33 and another at 35 and be done.  Again, why am I doing this to myself? Why am I putting a timeline on love? It doesn't help when you go home for holidays and the elders ask "Are you Lesbian?" or remind you that "your eggs aren't fresh forever!"

Then you have to battle with the fine line between settling and being too picky. I'm happy to be conscious of these things now. Having friends in their late 30s that still haven't been married and have no kids is disheartening to me and I dont want to be that chick. So I have been seriously evaluating my life and that dreaded list. You know the list, he has to be a certain height, certain degree type, no baby mama drama. The list was super tight a couple years ago. Since then I've loosened it. Now I'll date a guy that has a kid. But only 1. I am getting older and its a shame to say but most men my age have a child. I'm still holding out for a brotha. My spirit just isn't in the right frame of mind to consider dating outside my race and I know I'm probably limiting myself in finding true love because of that, but like I said I'm a work in progress.

I recently saw Ashford & Simpson talk about how they met. He was homeless and came to her church for food pantry because he had nothing to eat. 30 something years later they are still together. What woman out there has the vision to see a homeless musician and believe in them enough when they are at their lowest point? I know I couldn't have done it and I think that's a problem in our community as well. We want a man that is already packaged and put together and not a work in progress. 

So instead of dwelling on statistics and worrying about what day may or may not ever come, I'm taking the time to work on me, so that if/when he does find me, I am the best ME that I can be. So no, for the time being, I am not giving up on love, and no matter what the numbers say, my strong, educated, sistas should not give up on it either.