Perception vs Reality

Written by Empress Magazine /// Find in For Self

Perception is a powerful thing. Most of us live our lives with the best of intentions, but it doesn't always elicit the most favorable perceptions from others. What is more, sometimes the harder we try, the worse a situation becomes.

I am reminded of an unfortunate scene from a nature program I once watched. An ill-fated animal found itself in a pool of quicksand: the harder it struggled, the more desperately it flailed, the further still it sunk. Modern day poets like Common or Kanye warn of a similar phenomenon within their lyrics: "Joe, you coulda got it if you never woulda stressed it" ("Drivin' Me Wild"); and "'Cause when you try hard, that's when you die hard" ("Can't Tell Me Nothing"). It would seem that the message is universal: the harder we try to be well liked and well received, the more that result will elude us.

When we allow the perceptions of others to take a prominent place within our lives, our actions become a performance, designed to garner a specific result. We stop being our genuine, authentic selves, basking in the glorious light of who we were truly created to be. Instead, we come to believe that it is better to shirk our true identity in favor of one that better suits the person we are attempting to win over. Before long, we lose ourselves in our many different personas, as our shine slowly grows dim, and our authentic voice is silenced. For some of us, all it took was one negative experience in which we were criticized or harshly judged, and suddenly, we became actors within our own dramas, playing a part instead of speaking and acting in accordance with what was true. And it is no wonder that the resulting perceptions are less than desirable. Since when has phoniness led to blessings? Since when has obscurity led to sunshine?

Whenever I interact with children, I am always awestruck by how authentically they live. They are so beautiful in their confidence and in their audacity to just be. Their antics are not designed to attract attention or to curry favor. They are genuine, down-to-earth, and joyful in so doing. Clearly, there is great joy and contentment to be found in living one's life authentically. And there is no greater example of this than the blissful giggles of a playful, self-assured child.

Like children, we should seek to live our best lives, approaching each day with openness, kindness, love, and respect. We should know too, that in this cynical, jaded and distrustful adult world, there will always be those who choose to perceive our actions in a negative way. After all, one's perceptions are formed by what one chooses to see. Nothing better illustrates this point than the lyrics of the beloved song "Pure Imagination": "If you want to view paradise, simply look around and do it." This simple, yet poignant message demonstrates that the most important perceptions are those which we can control -- our own. Do not let the negative perceptions (of those who choose to allow past hurts and past disappointments to inform their vision of you) send you on a wild goose chase, searching for a new identity. This negativity is only a limited view, observed through someone else's bleak and mired goggles. You were born with a uniqueness that not everyone will appreciate or take the time to understand. That does not make you less valuable, or less special than the next person.

If someone criticizes or attempts to guilt you into believing that you are the problem, rely upon your own perception before taking their words as truth. Examine yourself honestly: Have you acted in a way that you would want to be treated?; Have you done so with a pure heart and good intentions?; Is the criticism something that can truly be changed, or is it a fundamental aspect of your identity that others love and appreciate? Your answers to these questions will inform your next move. If it is a situation in which there has been a misunderstanding, you may want to explain yourself; on the other hand, you may choose to leave things as they are. Regardless, continue to "do you" and do so unwaveringly! Be open to constructive criticism, particularly from those whom you love and trust, but know how to recognize a hater when you see one. Not everyone is going to champion your cause, appreciate your kindness, or trust that you are sincere. Do not allow their lack of faith to discourage your own.

The most important judge lives within you. And if she is satisfied, the judges around you will eventually follow. If perchance, they do not, simply remove them from the center of your personal stage. They may be the star of someone's production out there, but they have no place in yours. Refuse to compromise yourself in order to win the hearts of those whose hearts may never be won. Live authentically and drown out their voices with the power of your own.